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I Just Held Her

January 7, 2015 Sarah Coggins

After nursing Elise to sleep on Monday night, I held her up to my chest, her head on my shoulder and rocked her while gently patting her back waiting on a burp. It’s a nightly ritual, but this time it was different. Even while she was sound asleep and breathing deeply against my neck, I couldn’t bring myself to carry her across the room and put her down.

I just held her and rocked.

I felt the warmth of her little body pressed to mine. Took a deep whiff of that sweet baby smell. Rubbed her back with my left hand. And rocked and rocked.

I knew I should go ahead and lay her down. Then head off to bed myself. But I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t stand. Instead I stayed.

Sleeping Baby Nov 2014
Napping on mom at one month

I just held her and rocked.

The thoughts raced through my mind as I tried hard to absorb every minute detail of the moment. She’s only 11-1/2 weeks and yet changing so fast.

I remembered how during her first month she spent many afternoon naps on my chest as I reclined on the loveseat in our family room. I couldn’t put her down then either. And now? Now she cat naps a few times a day. She usually takes one long 3-4 hour nap typically in her car seat as she falls asleep while we’re out for a walk or running errands. Then bedtime happens between 9-10pm and she sleeps all night as much as 11 hours. Seriously. I’m so unbelievably grateful especially after having to cry it out with Dylan at 8 months, but … sometimes I miss holding her in the quiet of the night and I definitely miss those nap time snuggles in my arms.

So I stayed put.

I just held her and rocked.

Because my baby girl, my last baby, isn’t even 3 months old but already growing up so fast and I want to pause and take it all in.

13 Comments

  • Laila (@FrontRowMama) January 7, 2015 at 10:25 am
    It seems like only yesterday you were pregnant! They do grow up so fast and it's a beautiful thing to be able to document the little moments. She's so precious!
    • Sarah Coggins January 7, 2015 at 10:37 am
      Thanks! It definitely feels like only yesterday sometimes. And at others like she's always been here. Funny how time can be.
  • Jennifer January 7, 2015 at 4:01 pm
    I remember that. I miss it.
    • Sarah Coggins January 8, 2015 at 2:13 pm
      It goes by so fast, doesn't it? Why I'm clinging to every moment.
  • Nicole @MTDLBlog January 7, 2015 at 6:12 pm
    I so miss those days. My babies just turned five. It goes by in a blink, so enjoy every single minute.
    • Sarah Coggins January 8, 2015 at 2:14 pm
      Yes! My son is 5 so I've seen how quickly it goes. Definitely causing me to enjoy every moment so much more with both of them.
  • Kim Andeson January 7, 2015 at 10:38 pm
    I was waiting for the part where you cry. Did anyone else cry? I used to cry every single time I thought about the fact that he was getting bigger pretty much until he was like 6 months old. So sweet!
    • Sarah Coggins January 8, 2015 at 2:17 pm
      I've cried every year the night before my son's birthday. Grateful he's celebrating another year, but also - "what?! Another year has passed?!" I'm sure I'll cry the night before her birthdays too. I do find myself getting a little teary-eyed watching all her firsts and knowing that's the last time I'll witness a "first" with my own kids. Bittersweet.
  • Terri W January 11, 2015 at 2:58 pm
    Very bittersweet Sarah but how blessed to be able to just sit there and rock without interruption. I too tear up at my son's birthday, but ladies, he is 31 :)
    • Sarah Coggins January 12, 2015 at 10:32 am
      So I'll keep crying? ;) The years go way too fast. I'm definitely soaking up every second I can with both kids. Grateful Dylan will still let me hold & cuddle him some too. Some.
  • Krystyn @ Really, Are You Serious? January 12, 2015 at 9:11 pm
    These are just my all time favorite moments! My girls hardly ever fall asleep on me anymore, so when they do, I just hold them and breathe them in!
    • Sarah Coggins January 14, 2015 at 8:19 pm
      My son still lets me put him to bed each night and snuggle him. I'm embracing it because I know it won't last forever. They grow up so fast!
  • Janet Petersma January 21, 2015 at 7:24 pm
    Awww, Sarah, this is so precious. As a mom of a now 22-year old, I would love to be able to go back in time to those moments. Time really does fly. Enjoy the now. :)
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    Sarah

    Hi! I'm a DIY and craft obsessed mom to 2. I have my hands covered in sawdust or paint any given day. My husband and kids join me in many of our projects. When we aren't creating at home, we're creating memories in our many adventures. Join along! Read More

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